


Glomgold's Donald

by roruna



Category: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Family Secrets, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Past Relationship(s), Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24122257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roruna/pseuds/roruna
Summary: Glomtales AU where Negaduck joins Clan Glomgold as their Donald. He doesn't have any grudge against McDuck like the rest of those losers but he might have a closer connection to Clan McDuck than he previously realized. Set after Darkwing: First Darkness Premiere.
Relationships: Launchpad McQuack & Jim Starling, Louie Duck & Jim Starling
Comments: 19
Kudos: 60





	Glomgold's Donald

"Alright, we got Magica De Spell like everybody wanted," Glomgold complained. "Now can we  _ finally  _ go after McDuck?"

"Should we get a Donald?" asked Magica. 

"A what?" 

"Donald Duck," she clarified. "Scrooge's nephew and beloved ward. He kept my shadow creatures out of reach so I had to fight Scrooge and the children alone."

Glomgold was ready to argue but then hesitated. Donald Duck  _ had  _ been a weirdly competent employee in Atlantis…

"Maybe so but where are we going to find a freakishly resilient duck with no control over his emotions at the last minute?" Glomgold demanded. 

"Freakishly resilient duck with no control over his emotions," Beaks typed into his phone. "Oh hey!"

Negaduck, the supervillain formerly known as Jim Starling, laid on the jail cell's uncomfortable bed and counted the tiles  _ again.  _ He had his cell back to himself. The extra space was nice but having a cellmate was entertaining. Plus now he had this duckbill band thing making him uncomfortable. Oh. And an old school straitjacket. 

Catching him and probably the police at the station completely by surprise, a lead cannon ball smashed through the wall of his cell. He rolled off the bed. His eyes were wide from surprise rather than fear. A squat figure appeared in a cloud of dust where the wall had once stood. He looked familiar and it took a moment for Negaduck to place him.

Flintheart Glomgold, the poor man's Scrooge McDuck. 

"Beaks!" Glomgold yelled. "This him?"

Mark Beaks, tech twerp and professional obnoxious punk, stepped forward. 

"OMG!" Beaks exclaimed before taking a selfie with the restrained Negaduck. "This guy is total clickbait! I love the whole ironic rabid baddie aesthetic!"

Glomgold and Negaduck's eyes met in mutual puzzlement. 

"Yeah, this is the guy. Unhinged TV actor turned supervillain," Beaks said and took a second selfie. 

"Alright, boys, grab him, we're burning daylight," Ma Beagle crowed.

The largest beagle boy reached for Negaduck. Since his options were limited, Negaduck kicked and head butted his would be captor.

"Bouncer! Burger! Bigtime!" Ma shrieked. "One of you grab that duck and get your butts on the ship before we leave y'all behind!"

Negaduck was dragged into a huge iron airship. The Iron Vulture in fact. Then  _ finally  _ the largest Beagle Boy tore the bill band off with his bare hands. Any other time, Negaduck might have been impressed. But right now, he was just ticked. 

"What is going on here?!" He screamed. "Why did the billionaire B-team kidnap me? Where are we going?! And  _ someone get me out of this straitjacket!" _

"Calm down," Ma Beagle ordered. "Glomgold, give him the sales pitch."

"I was going to already," Glomgold grumbled. 

Glomgold stepped up to Negaduck, holding up a photograph with different heads pasted over the originals. 

"I have devised an ingenious scheme to win my bet with McDuck and destroy him once and for all," he said. "The key to his power is his family. Beakley, his kids, Gyro and his pilot Launchpad all fight for him with all their might because they… ugh  _ love  _ him. So I have gathered all of Scrooge's enemies together as a family."

"Oh yeah, that explains everything," Negaduck said. "You're all coo coo crazy pants! Even if your scheme wasn't the dumbest thing I've ever heard since McQuack's fanfiction, you already have everyone in the picture!"

"It's true that Ma is my Beakley, the beagle boys are the nephews, Beaks is the Gyro, Don Karnage is our Launchpad and De Spell is our Webby. But we're still missing a Donald," Glomgold said. 

"He's not even in that picture!" Negaduck yelled. 

"It dinnea matter!" Glomgold yelled back. "Donald Duck is an important member of Scrooge's family so we need a Donald!"

"And you want  _ me  _ to be your 'Donald'? Well, forget it. I'm not going to put on some corny sailor suit and quack at people just because you asked me to!" Negaduck stated. 

"Don't you want revenge on Scrooge McDuck?" Glomgold demanded. 

"For what? Producing the movie that got people talking about me again?" Negaduck asked. "And you guys want to fight Launchpad too? He's an idiot but he's like my  _ only  _ fan."

"Why don't you just pay him?" Ma Beagle asked, obviously at the end of her rope. 

"Because then he wouldnnea be family! Karnage take us to McDuck mansion, we can settle this on the way!" Glomgold barked.

Negaduck leaned back on the metal wall of the ship.

"Look, unless one of the nephews turns out to be Darkwing Duck, I really don't care about any of this," Negaduck admitted.

_ Guess that stage magic course wasn't such a waste of money after all.  _ It would take time and he'd probably pull a muscle but he could get out of a straitjacket. 

"I guess I can just  _ walk  _ home once we land," he said. "I'll set fire to the mansion as a thank you for breaking me out of prison but that's it," he offered.

Not that anyone was paying attention to him now. Glomgold had wandered off grumbling in Gaelic or something. Beaks was a few feet away, watching a video on his phone. 

"Man, I totally forgot about this show," he said. 

The familiar saxophone notes of the darkwing duck theme song floated to Negaduck's ears.

"Thanks," he grumbled. Like he needed another punk to remind him how inconsequential he was. 

"This show is  _ wild,"  _ Beaks said. 

"You like it?" He asked, perking up. 

"Yeah, it's  _ so  _ bad, it's good," he replied laughing. "There's a whole video of just the intros, it's  _ amazing!  _ 'I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus'?" 

Beaks fell back, laughing with his whole body. He held his sides, he could barely breathe and his eyes watered. 

Luckily or unluckily, depending on your point of view, this was the moment that Negaduck freed his hands enough to unbuckle the straps on his back. So it surprised no one but Mark Beaks when Negaduck wrapped one of the sleeves around Beaks' throat and strangled him until he blacked out. Bouncer... or was it Burger? The largest Beagle Boy pulled Negaduck off Beaks.

"Now you. Cut. That. Out!" Ma Beagle said, punctuating her words with a strike with her purse. 

That attack was no joke. Women's purses are always heavier than they look and Ma's purse most likely contained a half brick. 

"Now calm down or you'll be getting outta this ship before we land!" She yelled. "Bigtime! Is Beaks still breathing?"

"He is now, Ma," the shortest Beagle answered. 

Negaduck rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers with regret. He picked up Beaks' discarded phone intending to write embarrassing things on his profile but got distracted by the trending headlines. McDuck's bet with Glomgold. The Timephoon. Della Duck's sudden return.

He thought he recognized her when he was arrested but now he was sure. A little over a decade ago, Della Duck had brought a little bit of color and light to Jim Starling's dreary life. They had fun and it had been nice while it lasted. And they both knew it wouldn't last. She hadn't disappeared on him but soon after they split up, she took her infamous trip into space. 

_ She left her three boys, eggs at the time, in her brother Donald's care… _ Negaduck did some quick math. He dropped the phone. Only Della would know for sure but the math was right. That was good enough for now. 

"You know what," he said aloud. "I do need to settle a score with McDuck after all. He kept something  _ very  _ important from me. Before we go to the mansion, I need to pick up something at the hardware store."

Everyone but Don Karnage was fixed on Scrooge. Karnage wanted to take revenge on  _ Dewey.  _

"As in one of the  _ children?"  _ Negaduck asked. "Your beef is with a child?"

"He humiliated me," Karnage insisted. "He stole the spotlight that was rightfully mine!"

"Ok, that makes sense," Negaduck said, trying to sound sincere. "Young punk stealing your part, been there. I totally get it."

Negaduck turned around, snapped his fingers and turned back to Don Karnage. 

"Didn't I audition for your crew awhile back?" He asked. 

"Oh," Don Karnage said. "Did you? It's been so long since I held auditions."

"Yeah, my agent said that you were impressed with my singing but you decided to go in a  _ different  _ direction," he said. 

"I needed backup, not soloists. You wouldn't have been happy in the chorus. I need pirates who are team players," Don Karnage said. 

"Worried I'd steal the show? But Donny, I could never upstage someone who has talent," Negaduck said. 

Negaduck and Don Karnage kept their eyes fixed on each other. Even though they both wore bright smiles, a thick fog of contempt surrounded them both.

"Cap'n," Peg Leg Meg interrupted. "McDuck mansion be in our sights."

"Keep her steady over the mansion," Don Karnage ordered. He looked back at Negaduck, all animosity gone now. "Let's let the rest of the family know."

"Places, people," Negaduck called out. 

He smiled with bone deep satisfaction when he heard Don Karnage growl bitterly. 

"I'm the captain of this ship," he said. "I'm the one who calls 'places'."

"Are you? I thought this was Glomgold's show, not yours. You're just the Launchpad. All you have to do now is faint at them," Negaduck teased. 

Don Karnage drew his cutlass. Negaduck drew his chainsaw. Surprise surprise. 

"Y'all better stop strutting around and get your butts over here!" Ma Beagle yelled. 

"How's the security system, Beaks?" Glomgold asked. 

"Easy peasy. Only new thing is a device called 'DT-87'," Beaks answered. 

"That's the robot," Negaduck said. "It floats around and shoots a laser."

"The house wifi is already down for some reason. I just need to jam their phone line so that they can't call out. That drone is a problem though, it's a stand alone device," Beaks added.

"My boys can deal with it," Ma Beagle said. "De Spell, Duckworth's back as a ghost, by the way."

"I have just the thing for that," De Spell replied. 

"Cap'n! There be turrets on McDuck's roof!" Ugly Mugg announced. 

"Fire the cannons as soon as we're in range!" Don Karnage ordered. 

Two explosions immediately followed. 

"Turrets down, cap'n!" Peg Leg Meg called. 

"Keep shooting the cannons! Boys! Get down there now! Take out the drone," Ma Beagle said. 

"Hold on, you cannae tell them to go, it's my scheme!" Glomgold objected. "Keep shooting the cannons, Karnage! Beagle Boys! Get down there and take out the drone!"

"Never would have thought of that," Negaduck said looking to an imaginary audience. 

He sauntered to the Beagle Boys who were waiting for the cargo hatch to open. He'd had enough of sitting around and with the Beagle Boys as meat shields, the DT-87 wouldn't be a problem. 

"How we going to get down there, Bigtime?" asked Bouncer? The huge one. 

"You rappel," Negaduck answered. 

"Don't talk to my brother that way, Uncle Negaduck!" Bigtime snapped.

"It's a climbing move, you idiot," he said. "Watch me. Plant your feet, hand on rope release, then nimbly push off- FFFFFFFF!!!!!"

The cargo hatch opened suddenly and Negaduck fell backwards out of the Iron Vulture. The rope he held probably slowed his descent. He didn't leave a duck shaped crater in the ground anyway. The Beagle Boys followed shortly after. The huge one used the same rope as Negaduck so he landed exactly where he was lying. 

"That was pretty fun, Uncle Negaduck," he said stepping away. 

"Glad. You. Liked. It." Negaduck groaned deflated. 

"Scheme Detected. Scheme Detected," the drone… droned speeding toward them. 

Negaduck bounced back to his feet.

"Cover me," he sighed and rolled his eyes. "'Nephews.' You can't have all the fun."

He underlined the word 'fun' by drawing his chainsaw and revving the motor. 

"Yes, Uncle Negaduck," the Boys replied in unison. 

The huge one stood directly in front of the DT-87, taking a continuous blast from its laser like it was a water pistol. Negaduck climbed over him and leaped off the huge one's head. He swung the chainsaw down as he descended, cutting the security drone in half straight down the middle. He ran towards the door, cackling and swinging his chainsaw wildly. 

"It sure is nice to see Uncle Negaduck finally having fun," Bigtime said. 

"WHY AREN'T THERE MORE DRONES?!?!!" Negaduck demanded of the universe. "I'm just getting started!"

He noticed the intimidating front door and started to drool. 

"Would you look at this door," Negaduck purred. "McDuck can afford to use the finest materials. This is the kind of hickory that can withstand hurricanes and battering rams. Built by some master craftsman and is a piece of art in its own right."

The Beagle Boys whistled, ostensibly in admiration but more likely out of obligation. Negaduck went wild with his chainsaw, carving through that impressive door. 

"Now it's toothpicks," he gloated. 

The rest of the 'family' caught up on them. All but Glomgold strutted into McDuck manor. They were greeted by a shadowy apparition with horns and glowing eyes. 

"Get out!" It growled. 

"Allow me," Magica said. She stepped in front.

She tossed an amulet to the floor just under the ghost. The amulet shot a beam of magic, banishing the ghost and tearing a hole through the roof. 

"You're all clear, Glomgold," Ma called out. 

"I need smoke for my big entrance!" He replied, still just outside. 

"For Pete's sake!" She exclaimed. 

"Well I cannae just walk in with nothing!"

"Ugh! Here!" Negaduck groaned. 

He tossed an old smoke bomb that filled the room with dark red smoke. 

"Can't believe it still works," he said. Though he didn't remember them smelling this bad.

Enter Glomgold. Feet apart. Both hands on the head of his cane.

"Daddy's home."

_ Buddy, you don't know the half of it.  _ Negaduck smiled to himself. 

They heard a single pair of feet rush down the stairs. 

"Oh no! Magica De Spell!" exclaimed the green one, Louie.

"Huh?" Glomgold asked. "We came for McDuck and family! Uh… are they here?"

"No, they're all gone," Louie answered. 

"Oh. Family meeting!" Glomgold yelled. 

Everyone was already tensed to pounce when he turned to them. 

"Unbelievable! You didn't even check that they were home?" Ma said. 

"Don't start with me, Katharine," Glomgold grumbled. 

Negaduck grabbed Glomgold by his tie and pulled him up to eye level. 

"That was my only working smoke bomb and I  _ wasted  _ it on  _ you." _ He growled. 

"Dewey isn't even here! This one means nothing to me!" Don Karnage complained. 

"Look, we're here. Why don't we annihilate the green one as sort of a warm up?" Magica suggested. 

Negaduck's grip tightened on the chainsaw. He couldn't let anything happen to Louie. He needed him.

"And then what? What's your scheme here exactly? Just show up and fight?" Louie asked. 

That was all it took to turn all the attention back on Glomgold. Of course, he hadn't thought of a plan beyond bringing everyone together. Of course, he'd lose the bet. Of course even if they did kill Scrooge, his fortune would go to his family. 

"It would still be fun though," Negaduck said. 

"Then we can destroy his entire family!" Glomgold declared. 

Oops. 

"That's going to take a long time, especially after losing your whole fortune," Negaduck said.

"We shall start with Dewey!" Don Karnage declared. 

_ So much for appealing to laziness... _

"But the green one is right there!" Magica argued.

Nonononono… How was Negaduck going to salvage this? Maybe he should just grab Louie and make a run for it. Paternal kidnapping though? Was he really reduced to that? Or would this count as a rescue? This wasn't the time! He bent his knees, just an instant from snatching Louie. 

"I know how you can win the bet. But I want in."

"How?!" Glomgold demanded. "Tell me, Green One!"

"Louie," Negaduck corrected him. "It's not that hard. Dewey's got good taste in TV. Huey has the hat and the sharp one is Louie."

Louie gave Negaduck a suspicious look but only for a second. 

"Make me an equal partner and then I'll tell you," Louie said to Glomgold. 

"Fine!" Glomgold answered. 

Back in the Iron Vulture, Beaks found and printed a business contract on the pirates' ancient printer. 

"Shiver me timbers, we'd given up on connecting the printer to the wireless network," Ugly Mugg said. 

"It's not that hard, bro," Beaks humble-bragged.

"Alright, we both sign at the bottom and we'll be business partners," Louie said. 

"And then you'll tell me how to win the bet?" Glomgold asked. 

"Yes," Louie groaned. 

Glomgold stood on a wooden crate they were using as a table. 

"Behold, Clan Glomgold! We are one step closer to defeating Scrooge McDuck once and for-"

"Get on with it!" Clan Glomgold yelled. 

Glomgold signed the contract with dramatic flourish. Louie spelled his name out carefully in print. 

"Louie is short for Llewellyn?" Negaduck asked. 

"You don't have to rub it in," Louie said. 

"I would have gone with more classic names. James, John and Joseph," he said.

"Now tell me the plan!" Glomgold interrupted.

"Alright, keep your kilt on," Louie said. "So you and Uncle Scrooge aren't tied but you're pretty close to catching up. So if you combine your fortune with Beaks', the Beagles', Don Karnage's, Magica's and Negaduck's assets, you'll have more money than Uncle Scrooge."

"Oh he is  _ good," _ Negaduck said. "Hang on! Combine with  _ my  _ assets?! No way!"

The rest of Clan Glomgold voiced their objections.

"Do something, business partner!"

"Hey, I did my bit. I gave you the idea, you can figure out how to implement it," Louie said. 

Louie sauntered off to a quiet corner of the ship. Several minutes of arguing later, Negaduck stormed off.

"Well you can do what you want! All I have is credit card debt and big boxes of collectables I can't sell on Ebay!" He yelled. "Hope you like negative money!"

He sat down a few feet from Louie. He took a good look at him. He looked just like his brother, Dewey, of course. He was… just like any other kid. He was in the original show's target demographic, children older than seven. Pretty broad area.

"What?" Louie asked, visibly nervous. 

"I was just thinking how much you look like your mother. You're all Della, you got nothing from me," Negaduck said. 

Louie flinched but recovered immediately. 

"Ha, nice try. If you wanted to mess with me, you're better off just threatening me. Not even Dewey would fall for a lie that crazy," Louie said. 

Negaduck shrugged. 

"You don't have to believe me," Negaduck said. "But about eleven years ago, Jim Starling did date a quirky girl named Della who always wore aviator gear."

"As a wise man once said 'pics or it didn't happen'," he retorted. 

Negaduck tilted his head, thinking about it. He still had his old phone. It was broken but he still had it. It had a memory card far older than the phone. He moved the card from the ruined phone to Beaks' spare phone. 

By some miracle, Beaks' phone could read the memory card and the data wasn't corrupted. 

"Here it is," he said, loading a selfie from 2007.

The angle was awkward but it was a clear picture of Della Duck and Jim Starling smiling at the camera. 

"Ok," Louie floundered. "That proves you know each other but not that you're…"

"I know," Negaduck replied. "Only Della would know for certain, of course."

"And don't bother with the 'I can't be your dad but I'd like to be your friend' bit," Louie insisted. 

"No way," Negaduck said. "Unless your mother says different, I'm not your friend, I'm your father."

"No you're not!" Louie shouted. 

He hopped off the crate and fled. Negaduck considered running after him but that would alienate him. Louie would up his guard and refuse to get closer from stubbornness. But the seed was planted now. Louie would have to seriously consider the possibility that Jim Starling was his biological father. 

Louie wanted to be alone. He needed to think. But he was surrounded by Uncle Scrooge's enemies. He wasn't in a position to seriously ponder the too real possibility that his father was… He'd barely ever thought about having a father. Uncle Donald was all the parents he'd ever needed. 

When they were smaller, the triplets had asked where their mother was and Uncle Donald had just said she was gone. When they'd asked about their father, Uncle Donald said he didn't know. So there was nothing left to discuss. No point in asking questions they could never get answers to. 

But now there was someone who knew the answer to a question that Louie had given up on asking. The mother he'd lost was back and the father he didn't think about anymore could have a name. But that name wouldn't be Jim Starling. It  _ couldn't  _ be Jim Starling. 

Jim Starling was cruel and selfish and entitled and egotistical. Della Duck would never have gone for a man like that. But 11 years was a long time. Could Jim or Della have been different people back then?

"Ugh, why am I even considering it? It was such an obvious lie to mess with me," Louie insisted. 

He wanted to ask his mother this minute if only so his mind would finally calm down. He pulled out his phone. As soon as he unlocked the screen a video of Della started to play. 

"Ethics are divided into three schools of thought: virtue ethics, consequentialist ethics and duty-based ethics. No one school has all the answers-"

"I need help, mom. Not you on your high horse," Louie said. 

He stuffed his phone back into his pocket. He flinched at a sudden crash. Glomgold had just thrown a chair.

"I cannae put it more plainly! I need all of you to transfer your assets to me if I'm going to win this bet!" He yelled. 

"I only agreed to help you because you promised me the deed to Duckburg. Now you want what little bit of cash we already have!" Ma Beagle yelled back.

"You'll still get the deed to Duckburg," Glomgold insisted. 

"Everyone shut up," Louie ordered. 

He kept his hands tucked into his hoodie pocket so no one would see them shaking. 

"No one else has a plan to win this bet. Glomgold is the only one that has a real stake in this. So if none of you are willing to take a risk, we might as well go home," Louie said. "Uncle Scrooge gets Glomgold's billions and his company and everyone who worked for him. He keeps the deed to Duckburg, he keeps his number one dime and nothing changes for anyone. So is everyone fine with life going on like normal? Uncle Scrooge finding mystic artifacts, creating real innovation and raking in Duckburg's tax dollars?"

"Fine, you got a point, you little brat," Ma Beagle said. 

"Beaks?" Louie asked. "With Glomgold's money, Uncle Scrooge could build an army of Gizmoducks…"

"Ok, I'm in. But I want Gizmoduck," Beaks said. 

"Fine, whatever," Glomgold said.

"Don Karnage?" Louie asked. 

"A chest of gold  _ is  _ a small price to pay for destroying Dewey Duck," Don Karnage admitted. 

"And you, Magica? Uncle Scrooge has more than just one dime. He's got a medusa gauntlet, the ferry man's lantern, a dream catcher that forces people into their worst nightmare… lots of good stuff," Louie said.

"Very well, but my assets are not in mere mortal dollars and cents," Magica said. 

Of course, Negaduck noticed that Louie hadn't addressed or even looked at him. 

"Looks like you got all the angles covered, Louie," Negaduck said. 

"You're not getting out without adding to the pot," Ma Beagle said. 

"Or what? I don't get to kill Scrooge? There are plenty of other ducks in the pond. You recall that I never wanted to join your loser support group in the first place," he said. "Plus, I'm broke. You're high rollers and I can't afford the penny slots. I got nothing to give."

"Ok, boomer," Beaks scoffed. 

The next sound out of Beaks was a gurgling croak because Negaduck had his hands around his neck. The Beagle Boys had to separate them.

"So how come you've been paying for a storage unit for the last ten years?" Beaks coughed. "You've skipped on your rent, electric bills, and gone without health insurance plenty of times but you've never been late with a payment for that storage unit, much less missed one."

"I don't…" Negaduck floundered. When he recovered himself, he spoke in a growl. "How can you possibly know about that?"

"Uh doy, I searched your banking history," Beaks answered as if that was no different than checking a store's business hours. "And before you flip your fedora, remember that your doctor warned you to watch your blood pressure on your last visit."

"You petty, pretentious, pasty, pathetic, parasitic pri-"

"All right, add whatever's in that storage unit to the pot," Glomgold decreed. "Green one! Add up the total!"

Louie rolled his eyes. 

"We gotta go back to the junkyard to pick up our bags of stolen money," Ma said. 

In the meantime, Louie got on with the easy ones. He eyeballed the treasure chest the pirates brought him. 

"There's 135 million dollars of gold in that chest!" Louie exclaimed. 

"Don Karnage does not only get paid in applause," he said. 

"Beaks, you still have a billion, right?" 

"You know it, tiny Broseph," Beaks answered. 

"What about you, Magica?" Louie asked. 

"I possess no less than  _ one billion-" _

"Dollars?" Beaks asked. "So what were you doing at Funzo's, girl?"

"Souls of the deceased," she clarified. 

Negaduck laughed. 

"And I thought I was the poorest one here! What's the conversion rate for dead souls? They like pesos or yen?"

"You best watch your tongue, lest I rend it from your bill!" Magica threatened. 

"Yeah, now is the winter of your discontent to you too, you batty broad!" Negaduck yelled back. 

Louie took a breath. Just one day, he reminded himself. He only needed to survive for one day in this dumpster fire. 

"I can figure this out," he said loudly enough to stop the fight before it began. "What did you give in exchange for a soul?"

"The usual stuff: love potions, eternal youth, resurrection of the dead, the death of an enemy…" she said. 

"So one soul is worth the same as botox regimen?" Negaduck asked. 

"It's a start," Louie conceded. "One session costs at least $500. They last at most, 4 months. So $1500 a year for…?"

"They usually don't pass the one year mark," Magica said, grinning. 

"Ok… so each soul is worth $1500. Which means Magica has one trillion and five hundred billion? Seriously?" Louie gasped. 

"I am McDuck's greatest enemy for a reason," she preened. 

"Ok, what about you Negada...duck?" Louie asked, putting more stress on 'duck'. "What are you adding to the pot?"

Negaduck hesitated. As if he hadn't given up enough already. But with Louie as an equal partner, there was a better chance of not being betrayed. He'd have to trust the kid. He pulled a key ring from his jacket pocket and tossed Louie the keys.

"It's about thirty grand of stuff if you find the right buyer," he said. 

"That buyer being Launchpad after getting a thirty thousand dollar bonus?" Louie asked. 

"Exactly," he answered. 

"Okay, based on my latest Intel of Uncle Scrooge's net worth, Glomgold will win the bet no problem," Louie announced. 

"Yes!" Glomgold cackled. "At last! McDuck is mine!"

"Calm down, we still gotta get to the Bin tomorrow morning," Ma Beagle said. 

"Ah yes, everyone to bed," Glomgold said. 

"It's eight o'clock," Beaks said. 

"I cannae let anyone stay up in case you try to run off with my loot," Glomgold said. 

"Well I'm not going to bed and leaving you alone with my investment," Ma Beagle said. 

"Fine, let's all stay up and watch each other," Magica said. 

"I'm not doing that," Negaduck said. Anyway, Louie had his keys so he only needed to watch him. 

Several hours later, all but Negaduck and Louie sat in a circle surrounding the money. The villains' eyes were red not just from lack of sleep but because no one dared to even blink. Louie grabbed an old blanket and tried to make himself comfortable on the floor. 

"Like I could ever get to sleep with those guys being all paranoid," he said. 

"I'll keep an eye on you," Negaduck said, sitting down next to him. 

"Cool, now I'll never blink again," Louie replied. 

"When she divorced Spielbird, Amy Corvin got ninety million dollars. Do you think she would have gotten one cent if she didn't have a kid with him?" Negaduck asked. 

"Oh so you're playing the long game?" Louie asked, actually relieved. "Trying to get some of Uncle Scrooge's money through your 'connection' with Mom?"

"I dated her for 5 weeks, like eleven years ago. I don't have a connection with her. My connection is with you and your brothers," he said. 

"And you think I'm going to just let you anywhere near my brothers?" 

"You let your uncle near them and he's put their lives at risk way more than I have," Negaduck replied. 

"You hurt Launchpad too. He looked up to you," Louie reminded him. 

"I do miss that big dork," Negaduck said. "I didn't appreciate him like I should have. He used to annoy me so much because he'd just set his poster down on the table and faint immediately."

Negaduck laughed at the memory. It always took a couple of people to move the big lug. One old mall cop put his back out once.

"So what are you doing here?" Louie asked. 

"They needed a Donald and I wanted to see you kids," he answered. 

"So you're just another bad guy now?" 

"Most people frown upon arson, so yeah," he said. "I wasn't famous or rich enough to get away with it. Anyway, there's no reason to go back to Jim Starling. He was a loser, a hasbeen, an old man who wasted his life and his talent. Being Negaduck, I don't need anyone's permission to do what I want. I wasn't a good TV star but I think I'm a good supervillain."

Louie wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. 

"But what if no one else thinks so? What if no one wants you to do the things you're good at?" Louie asked. 

"Is this why you were home alone?" Negaduck asked. 

"I wasn't completely alone," Louie said. "Duckworth was home too."

"Oh in that case…" Negaduck replied. "So where was everyone?"

"On a treasure hunt. It's fine. All of Uncle Scrooge's adventures are more trouble than they're worth," Louie said. "It was a relief to stay home for once."

Negaduck raised an eyebrow. 

"And the lack of wifi in the house was just an unfortunate coincidence?" He asked. 

"How did-?"

"The nerd told us when he hacked your phone," he answered. 

"Yeah, I was grounded. So what?" Louie huffed.

"What happened?" Negaduck asked.

"Nothing," he answered. 

"Go for a swim in McDuck's gold? Use his number one dime to buy a soda? Mention Scotland's never one a world cup?"

Louie laughed at that last one.

"I caused a rift in the space time continuum," he admitted. 

_ This generation does not mess around.  _

"You caused the Timephoon? Nice," Negaduck said. 

"I didn't do it on purpose," Louie said. "I was taking lost treasures from the past before they were lost. I figured since they were lost treasures, it wouldn't disrupt space and time."

"I could see that," he agreed. 

"And even though I fixed it and everyone else forgave me, Mom still grounded me! She said that I just took the time machine without caring about the consequences. Like she's one to talk! She's way worse than me!" Louie ranted.

"She just wants to stop you making the same mistakes she made," Negaduck said. 

Bad-mouthing the other parent doesn't help anyone. 

"She said that I have to stop scheming if I want to keep being part of the family," Louie squeaked. "But all I have is scheming. I can see all the angles. I have nothing else."

"Ok, a couple of notes," Negaduck said. "You have more going for you than just scheming. No one is ever just one thing. Secondly, you don't have to stop seeing the angles. You couldn't even if you tried. That's a soft skill like being flexible. You can use it in a lot of ways. You can use it for anything from manipulating your enemies to solving crimes. You actually need to get  _ better  _ at seeing angles. How your schemes failing could hurt the people you care about is just another angle to consider."

Louie gave him a small, vulnerable smile. He was relaxing.

"You know where everyone is today? They went to Big Rock Candy Mountain! Every other adventure has involved snakes or death traps or curses or natural disasters but somehow they managed to find a fun, safe adventure the  _ one  _ time I can't go!"

"Well, you won't be grounded forever and the nice thing about mountains is that they stick around," Negaduck said. "If you want…"

"No thanks," Louie said. "I've heard enough warnings involving candy and strange people."

This kid was a punk but Negaduck was starting to like him. 

"Well, if you ever change your mind and I'm not back in jail, we can go," he said. 

Louie tossed and turned trying to find a comfy sleeping position. 

"You'd think Don Karnage would have a fainting couch stashed somewhere," Negaduck said.

"Not like I could sleep surrounded by bad guys anyway," Louie said. 

"They won't hurt you. They wouldn't dare. And I wouldn't let them," Negaduck assured him.

Louie's face softened. For an instant there was a hint of a smile, then it was gone.

"Want me to sing you a lullaby? Or are you too old for that?"

"Is it one of those messed up lullabies about plagues and nests falling out of trees?" Louie asked. 

"No, it's one they wrote for the show," Negaduck said. "In the original pilot, darkwing duck was going to have a kid sidekick but I put my foot down and they rewrote it."

"Didn't want a child actor taking the attention?" 

"Exactly," Negaduck said. 

And show business was tough enough on the adult psyche. Child actors didn't stand a chance. 

"Fine, let's hear it," Louie said. 

_ Rest your head _

_ Little boy green  _

_ Come paint your dreams on your pillow  _

_ I'll be near _

_ To chase away fear _

_ So sleep now and dream til tomorrow  _

_ I'll be near _

_ To chase away fear _

_ So sleep now and dream til tomorrow  _

"That's so dorky," Louie yawned.

Negaduck unhooked his cape and laid it over Louie's blanket. 

"I know, right? I would've died if I had to sing that to anyone," Negaduck said. 

In some distant part of the Iron Vulture, Don Karnage yelled, 

"I'm the captain! I'm the only one who gets to sing here!"

"SHUT UP!" Negaduck snarled. 

"Money bin, ho!" called Ugly Mugg. 

Louie jolted awake. He patted down his arms, legs, chest and cheeks. 

"Still in one piece," he assured himself. 

"Morning, Louie," Negaduck said. 

He didn't sleep at all the night before. None of the villains had. 

"Morning," Louie hesitated. "Mr. Starling?"

"I'd prefer Negaduck, thanks," he said. 

"Ok. Good morning, Negaduck," Louie said. 

All the other villains stood in front of the cargo hatch, waiting for it to open. 

"I didn't think you'd want to stay out of this part," Louie said. 

"I'm just holding off on my big entrance," Negaduck said. 

The cargo hatch opened.

"I knew this day would come. Magica's grand revenge."

"I'm clearly standing in front! Lo, our moment is at hand. For years I schemed alone. Now I've added a family's strength to my grand vision. Scrooge will bow before Clan Glomgold!"

"And then cower before Magica De Spell, whose hatred is unbound by time and space!" 

"Your time is up, McDuck! The mighty Beagleburg will rise again!"

"For a new day is on the horizon, and it belongs to those with a superior intellect! AKA me!"

"And I, the supreme ruler of the skies, Don Karnage, seeks not Scrooge, but his nefarious nephew Dewey Duck!"

Everyone was talking over each other. Threats of pain and declarations of hatred went unheard. Until a loud pop and the air filled with dark red smoke. 

_ "I am the most fiendish terror that flaps in the darkest night.  _

_ I am the boyfriend you don't want your family to meet.  _

_ I am Negaduck!" _

The smoke cleared. Negaduck stood in front of the other villains. 

"Jim?" Launchpad and Della said at the same time. 

Negaduck turned to the rest of Clan Glomgold. 

"And that's how you make an entrance," he said. 

"Hey! You cannae upstage everyone! And we can't all make declarations of hatred at the same time!" Glomgold complained. Before losing control of the room again, he said, "And the name of vengeance shall be Glomgold!"

The fight that followed was like Avengers: Civil War meets WW1 meets a brawl outside a Dairy Queen. Negaduck wanted to face Della. They had a lot to discuss but she was busy with the Beagle Boys. So he chased after Dewey Duck and tried to look like he wasn't getting in Don Karnage's way on purpose. Someone had to protect Dewey since he insisted on pointing out that he was a better showman to a guy wielding a  _ cutlass.  _

"Where's Gyro?" Beaks whined. "I'm supposed to be fighting Gyro!"

Beaks curled up into a fetal position on the ground. 

"Negaduck! Help!" He shrieked. 

"Will not!" Negaduck replied, somehow he was fighting Mrs. Beakley now. "Because I hate you!"

"I'll give you a million dollars to fight Launchpad for me!"

Hatred felt great but a million dollars is a million dollars. He dodged Mrs. Beakley's punch and because the universe can sometimes be kind, she lost her balance and fell on Beaks. 

Negaduck stood between Beaks and Launchpad. 

"Hiya, sidekick!" He chirped. "How you been? How's your little man?"

"DW? He's fine," Launchpad replied. 

Negaduck fought Launchpad but he wasn't  _ trying. _ Beaks was only paying him to fight, not destroy. Negaduck wasn't going to do even the smallest bit of work more than Beaks had asked him to. 

"You're pretty good at this," Negaduck said. "I think we'd make a good team. With Beaks' cash, I could build a real Thunderquack and I'd need a pilot. We could travel the world robbing museums and banks and assassinating heads of state for the right price. What do you say?"

"No thanks, that sounds mean," Launchpad answered. 

"Like you're doing good works here?" he replied. "You fly an old man around the world to rob tombs and destroy historic sites."

"Mr. McDee doesn't hurt people," Launchpad argued.

"No, he just endangers children on a weekly basis and funded an expedition that resulted in a new mother being stranded on the moon for ten years," Negaduck said. 

"That broke Mr. McDee's heart," Launchpad said. "You don't need to throw that back in his face."

"Whatever," Negaduck said. 

"Everybody knock it off!" Louie ordered. 

"Louie?" Clan McDuck said. 

"This wasn't the plan."

_ "Louie,"  _ Clan McDuck groaned. 

The big reveal had come. The great Scrooge McDuck had been bested. He lost his entire fortune to his greatest… no that was Magica. His oldest… Magica again! He lost his fortune to Flintheart Glomgold. With a scheme thought up by his own nephew. 

"And now that I have your money, and your money, I don't need any of you! I am the richest duck in the world! I am unstoppable! I am Flintheart Glomgold!" Glomgold gloated. 

Negaduck was just starting to get comfortable in his murderous rage when Louie did the most adorable evil laugh in the history of Duckburg. 

"Yup. Flintheart Glomgold won. His name is on all the paperwork," Louie said. "Only you're  _ not  _ Flintheart Glomgold. Your real name is-"

"Duke Baloney," everyone said in unison. 

Negaduck hadn't known that Flintheart Glomgold was a false identity. But the outcome was still the same. Everyone's money was gone. Only now it went to Glomgold's new business partner, Louie Duck 

"Always read the fine print. Trademark Louie Duck."

"But it was my scheme!" Glomgold complained. "I was going to steal all the money after I won-"

All villain eyes were fixed on Flintheart Glomgold aka Duke Baloney aka a very  _ dead  _ duck. 

"I can explain…"

"My motorcycle!" Negaduck screamed, partly at Glomgold but mostly at the heavens. "It was custom built! As soon as I got it running again I could've sold it for 30 grand! I could sell it to the right fan now for 10 grand! It was all I had left!"

"You stole all of our fortunes and then lost it all to a  _ child?!" _

"I wish I never had a new Pa!"

"How could you betray us after such a dramatic speech about family?"

"Do you know the types of gigs I had to accept to keep paying for storage?!" Negaduck wailed. 

"You've made a powerful enemy! I have enough hate in my heart for two Scottish billionaires!" Magica announced. 

"Back off, witch! You already got McDuck! Glomgold is mine!" Negaduck said, finally drawing his chainsaw. "I'm going to rebuild my bike with your  _ bones!" _

Glomgold fled. He fell over the edge of the cliff, hitting several rocks on his way into the water.

"Curse you, everyone!" He called from below. 

Negaduck glared down at the water.

"That's it! Next time I'm in charge or I work solo!" He declared. 

The rest of the villains piled into the Iron Vulture. Negaduck considered going with them but he didn't trust those dum-dums to actually catch Glomgold. 

"Bye Della! It was nice seeing you. Did you change your hair? It looks great. We need to talk about the boys later. But right now I need to dismember an old man. Let's do lunch," Negaduck said before making a dive into the water.

The drive back to McDuck mansion was quiet and awkward until…

"Why do you think Jim wants to talk about the boys, Ms. Dee?" Launchpad asked. 

"Probably because he's…" Della mumbled the next part, "their father."

"WHAT?!!" Everyone else in the car yelled. 

Launchpad crashed into a stop sign.

"So he wasn't just messing with me?" Louie exclaimed. 

"That madman cannae be the boys' father! He's old enough to be  _ your  _ father!" Scrooge said. 

"Uncle Scrooge…" Della groaned. "This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you."

"So… how'd you meet him?" Launchpad asked.

"He got thrown out of a club I was waiting to get into," she answered since Launchpad was the only one not radiating disapproval. 

"Curse me kilts," Scrooge groaned. 

She laughed briefly at the memory of Jim picking a fight with a bouncer five times his size. But stopped when she felt her family's glare.

"Did you ever plan on telling  _ us  _ about our dad?" Huey asked. 

"Of course, once things settled down," she said. 

"Honesty, Della," Mrs. Beakley said in that disapproving voice Della grew up dreading. 

"I don't know if either of you noticed but I am an adult," Della replied. 

"Obviously, we cannot interfere with your personal life but I would have appreciated some advance notice. If only so I could be prepared to deal with him," Mrs. Beakley said. 

"Well, I didn't tell him either so I doubt he caused trouble while I was gone," Della replied. "And I promise I was going to tell you after I got back from test flying the Spear of Selene."

"How convenient," Mrs. Beakley noted.

"Well, it's not like you asked me before!" She complained. 

"Because we didn't want to push you if you weren't ready," Beakley said. "I was waiting for you to come to me."

"You don't seem to care that I'm still not ready now," she complained. "I knew you and Uncle Scrooge would freak out. You've never liked anyone I dated."

"I was just trying to protect you and your brother from people who might use you to get to your uncle," Mrs. Beakley said softly. She looked at the triplets. "That goes for you three as well. Once you're old enough to date, I'll be on high alert."

"It wasn't anything serious," Della assured Mrs. Beakley and Scrooge. "I never told him I was related to Scrooge McDuck. We just had fun riding around on his motorcycle and stuff. I would've forgotten all about him if it wasn't for the boys."

"So you... didn't want us?" Dewey asked. 

"What? Of course I did," she said. "I always knew that I wanted kids but honestly, I wasn't interested in falling in love or getting married. I just wanted you boys."

Webby set aside a notebook she'd been scribbling in. Her eyes were wide and shiny.

"This is so sweet," she said. 

"Did you guys have any more questions?" Della asked the triplets. 

"I do," answered Launchpad. 

"Okay… I mean, I was clearly talking to the boys but fine. Shoot," Della said. 

"This motorcycle, did it have a magenta front fender in the shape of a duck's head and a pair of purple exhaust pipes that extend past the back fender that make it look like it has wings?" Launchpad asked. 

"Yeah…" Della answered. "How did you-"

"The Ratcatcher! You got to ride in the Ratcatcher? How was it? Was it loud? Did he let you drive it?" 

"Y-yeah, we only managed to go a block-" Della started. 

"YOU DROVE THE RATCATCHER?!?" Launchpad shrieked.

And it was definitely a shriek. The alarms of nearby parked cars went off. Dogs howled in pain. 

"That's  _ so  _ cool! I'm so jealous! I gotta tell DW," Launchpad said, already on his phone. "DW! You need to sit down, I just found out the best thing! Ms. Dee rode in and drove the Ratcatcher!"

Everyone in the car heard the fanboy shriek at the other end of the line. 

"Eleven years ago," Launchpad said. "Well, she- Ms. Dee, is it okay if I tell DW about your past relationship-"

"CAN WE PLEASE GO HOME!" Scrooge finally screamed. "I have a headache the size of the United Kingdom!"

Louie laid in his bed, still unable to sleep. 

"Guys?" He asked. 

"Yeah?" Dewey replied. 

"Hmm?" Huey said. 

"What do you think of Negaduck being our dad?"

"Dunno," Dewey answered. 

"I always figured Mom had used a donor," Huey said. "I never pictured Mom as a person who dates. Which I know is ridiculous. The Junior Woodchuck Guidebook states that the average adult will have 7.2 romantic partners in their lifetime."

"How do you date .2 people?" Dewey asked. 

"You get an average by adding up the number of partners people said they had and then divide it by the number of people they asked," Huey huffed. "You don't always get whole numbers."

"Ah," Dewey said. 

"So you guys are fine with it?" Louie demanded. 

"I don't know," Huey said. "Uncle Donald is the only father figure we've ever had."

"Oh man, what's Uncle Donald going to say when he finds out? He'll freak," Dewey said. 

"What was it like to hang out with him?" Huey asked, ever searching for answers. 

"Weird," Louie said. "Like he was ok with me but when he talked to Glomgold and them, he'd go full tilt bad guy. But even when he was being nice, he didn't pretend to be a good person. He was pretty clear about only wanting to get Uncle Scrooge's money."

"Well if he doesn't care about us, why should we care about him?" Dewey asked. 

There was finality in his voice so Louie didn't feel like arguing. But he wasn't so sure that Jim Starling… Negaduck… their father didn't care about them. He'd listened to him. He understood. Even after getting conned, Negaduck wasn't mad at him. Not that he wasn't mad about being conned. He'd focused all his wrath on Glomgold. Louie still had the key ring. It had only two keys. He guessed that one of them was for the storage unit itself. The other would be for the motorcycle. 

"Launchpad?" Louie called when he entered the garage. 

Launchpad was snoring, in a deep sleep. Louie poked Launchpad's arm. 

"Launchpad," he repeated. 

"You're a cabbage," Launchpad spurred, as he exited sleep. He rubbed his eyes. "Louie?"

"Sorry I woke you," he said. "Can you drive me somewhere?"

The sun peeked over the horizon when Launchpad and Louie finally found the correct storage unit. The door rumbled open. A motorcycle shaped mass covered by a dust sheet stood in the middle of the empty space. They removed the dust sheet together. 

"It's beautiful," Launchpad choked up.

It was just like Launchpad described. It had a front fender in the shape of a duck's head and a pair of exhaust pipes that made it look like the motorcycle had wings. 

"It looks better than I thought it would," Louie said. "I thought it'd be all rusty."

Launchpad took a picture on his phone. Most likely to send to Darkwing Duck. 

"He said it doesn't run anymore," Louie reminded him.

"I'm sure DW and I can get it running again. It just needs a little TLC," Launchpad said. "Wow, I can't believe the studio people let him keep it."

"They probably didn't," Louie said. "Either he stole it or he custom built it."

"Oh, I would've given anything just to sit on it," Launchpad swooned.

"I'll let you sit in it for ten bucks," Louie said. 

"Seriously?"

"I do own it now. If we take it home, I won't have to pay for this place and you can work on it as much as you want," Louie said. 

Launchpad was ready to cry. He was already sitting in the Ratcatcher. He held the handlebars like they were eggs made of glass. 

"I am the terror that flaps in the night.

I am the fan that camped in line overnight. 

I am Darkwing Duck!"

Darkwing appeared in the storage unit with a puff of blue smoke. And the second his eyes caught sight of the motorcycle, the cool superhero facade fell. Darkwing Duck wept openly. 

Ten dollars to sit in the driver's seat, five for the sidecar and for twenty dollars, Louie would take a picture. Louie made about three hundred dollars that morning.

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a tumblr post (which I can't find right now) of a head canon that Jim Starling is the triplets' father which I thought was a really fun idea to play with. As I was writing, I kept going back and forth about whether or not he could care about the boys and he was a lot calmer than I expected about... well, _everything._ Sorry if Negaduck was too chill this time. This was a very weird thought exercise.
> 
> Edit: Found it https://raidenraccoon.tumblr.com/post/188773142212/hoh-boi-do-i-still-hardcore-headcanon-jim-starling


End file.
